To be honest I was really looking forward to come back home this weekend. On the Friday night I tried to find something to talk to you even that’s my weakest ability but I just tried. I told you all the things about my sickness, my college stuff and my friend’s stuff which I normally don’t bother to tell you at all. That night ends with peace and smoothly. But the nightmare begins with the next day from morning onwards. Yes. I admit I am slow, dumb in doing house chores. But that doesn’t mean I don’t willing to do!! You know what; we can choose not to come back by giving you excuses such as exam la, assignment la and stuff. But we chose to come back and we expect to spare our time during the weekends just to do house chores. I even choose not to go out on weekends because we know that you don’t like it. But your words are making me feel that I rather not to come back. The feeling of giving up is stronger day by day whenever I want to make some difference and hoping for changes. Don’t expect me to smile to you because to recover what has happened in the past, that needs time. What I can do now is only to try to talk to you more. But I don’t want to try anymore. It’s enough. I’ve had enough. I can feel the pain of my heart whenever I think of all the words you have spoke to me. Friends, you may say that good advice is harsh to the ear. But if you were me, born in this family, I assure you will have mental distress as well. Because you don’t know what I’ve been through, what kind of ‘good advice’ I’ve heard. You think I never thought of calling you to ask anything happen in the house? I just don’t dare to call because I have really no idea what to talk to you. I even go around and ask my friend what I should talk when I call my parents. I can’t find answers so I think of some excuses so that I can have at least something to say. But you say I only call you when I need help. Fine. You never know what’s in my mind. You will just accuse me from what you see in surface. You know I won’t be showing nice face anymore once you scolded me but you accuse me by saying I NEVER give you nice face when I’m at home. You say my heart is NEVER at home when I did mistakes in chores. NEVER. Then how about what I’ve done on the Friday when I’m trying to pleasing you? Hello, are you trying to force me to swallow your sword-like words, return you with a smile immediately and say thank you? Do you know everything happens for a reason? Do you ever notice the little effort we try to put in every time we come back? No you don’t. You will just never satisfy. Is it that I’m a fail daughter or you’re a fail mother? But I think we both are failures. I’m lost and clueless. I can’t fit into your perfect world, where everything must be done perfectly, like a tragedy will happen if we do any less or any more. For those who read this post, you guys may say that I’m a bad daughter for writing all this out. But you never know how much I’ve cried for help and found no one to talk to because no one would like to listen to this. Bear with me. Leave if you feel annoyed.

You mess all these things up. Not me.